As Dr. Margaret M. Mahon writes in her research paper "Childhood Bereavement after the Death of a Sibling", not all cultures on earth exhibit a fear of death and avoid its discussion. However, Dr. Mahon points out that "many cultures with access to modern medicine have become thanatophibic." In our cultural context of avoiding the mention and discussion of death, how can we support our children to weather this storm when it suddenly becomes relevant in their lives?
Yep; talking about death for us Westeners is uncomfortable. And grief, so fundamentally connected to the subject of death, becomes a topic we avoid by extension.
Several children in Dr. Mahon's study did indeed report that "not thinking about it" helped them cope after the death of their sibling. It is possible that this attitude was evidence of an already internalised cultural protocol of avoiding the topic - and it is also possible that it simply felt good to 'get away' from grief for a spell and for these children to think about something else for a little while. Few things in grief are of a straight-forward nature, and the process of grieving is inherently contradictory.
The bottom line however is that things rarely go away - or get better - by ignoring them completely at all times.
Much more helpful in coping with the death of their sibling were their mother and father's support, as well as that offered by close friends. This support consisted precisely in not avoiding but acknowledging the loss that had occurred.
"The House in Ollie's Tummy" hopes to be a resource parents can use to guide conversations around death and grief so that feelings get aired.
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